The funniest jokes you know aren't from comics but relatives, friends - from your life. That's the funniest stuff.
I won't say I'm out of condition now - but I even puff going downstairs.
Martin Luther King taught us all nonviolence. I was told to extend nonviolence to the mother and her calf.
If all you can do is judge a person by their appearance, because you don't have the spirit to judge someone from within, you're in trouble.
When you look at Hitler and those thugs, you can put Walmart right next to them.
A Klaner KKK is a cat who gets out of bed in the middle of the night and takes his sheet with him.
Once we used to have to crank up our cars, now you can pop it on from inside your house. Everything has changed except how we get freedom.
America is 5 percent of the world's population and consumes 96 percent of the world's hard drugs.
Education means to bring out wisdom. Indoctrination means to push in knowledge.
One of the things I keep learning is that the secret of being happy is doing things for other people.
There is no trust more sacred than the one the world holds with children.
Just being a Negro doesn't qualify you to understand the race situation any more than being sick makes you an expert on medicine.
Dogs are great assets to candidates, and the feeling seems to be engendered that if a dog loves the candidate, he can't be all that bad.
In most places in the country, voting is looked upon as a right and a duty, but in Chicago it's a sport.
Luck is opportunity meeting up with preparation. So you must prepare yourself to be lucky.
When I tune into my beautiful self, I get happiness. Everything in the universe belongs to me.
That's easy, to stand in a nightclub, where most of the people that come in, they came to see you.
I consider myself always a humorist. And I think anybody who tells jokes or makes people laugh is humor.
The only person on the planet saying derogatory things about his woman is the black man.
Eating liver out of a cow's body is like eating the filter out of a car.
America will tolerate the taking of a human life without giving it a second thought. But don't misuse a household pet.
America has the mightiest military on the planet, and they didn't get there with entertainers.
Poor is a state of mind you never grow out of, but being broke is just a temporary condition.
The United States is the most dishonest, ungodly, unspiritual nation that ever existed in the history of the planet.
I feel that the same God-force that is the mother and father of the Pope is also the mother and father of the loneliest wino on the planet.
The jelly-bean eating thug says that national defense is important. But national defense starts at home.
Love is man's natural endowment, but he doesn't know how to use it. He refuses to recognize the power of love because of his love of power.
You got to die of something because if you die of nothing, they won't pay your insurance.
Because you make me laugh don't make you a comic. A comedian is a person who, that's how they make their living.
America is concerned more with the possibility of moon folks than the reality of hungry poor folks.
Baseball is very big with my people. It figures. It's the only way we can get to shake a bat at a white man without starting a riot.
At the very last moment, Nature would force you to blink your eye. Nature will protect her own.
If you can justify killing to eat meat, you can justify the conditions of the ghetto. I cannot justify either one.
